Comparing and Commenting on People’s Eating Habits

Here's an extremely common problem that we may have faced in our family growing up because of bad practices of parents and grandparents: comparing two children who have different eating habits to bring attention on which way is the "right way". As someone who is trying to make over your habits into something healthier, does this affect you now as an adult?

In families who comment and compare at mealtime, there’s usually a lot of focus on how much and what kinds of foods kids are eating. Parents and grandparents might do this when one child is heavier than the other. But they also do it just as what they think is positive reinforcement at mealtime. They try to convey the idea through their ongoing mealtime dialogue that kids who eat a lot of different types of food and who eat a lot of food in general are doing a better job for themselves and their growing bodies.

What happens when one child lives to eat and another eats to live… both living with the same set of parents, same house rules and same group of relatives who share common beliefs and practices about food and eating?

Sometimes this really can lead to problems that start in childhood and psychologically affect kids’ eating habits to create problems down the road. These problems may include being overweight, increasing risk of obesity, and also potentially putting the person at risk for chronic health problems with age. And studies have shown that chronic diseases such as diabetes can start in childhood thanks to the growing obesity problem in America.

Let’s take a closer look at parents who compare kids’ eating habits at mealtime:

Sitting around the table, having one or both parents make a running commentary on who is eating what foods and how much. You'll often hear mothers, especially ones who came from old school families, saying things like, “So-and-So is a good eater!” or “Kid Number 1 is a picky eater, but Kid Number 2 likes everything we put in front of him!”

Parents mean well when they engage in these types of conversations and practices with their kids. And it’s likely what they were shown by their own parents. But the truth is, comparing two kids does more harm than good.

One good rule of thumb is to really try and put yourself in the shoes of the person who has come under parental scrutiny for how they eat. Ask yourself, how would I feel if I was trying to enjoy my dinner and I had someone hovering over me making remarks about what and how much I was eating, comparing me to my brother or sister and basically calling attention to my eating practices?

Would that make you feel good and happy? It's more likely to make a person feel self-conscious. While it is possible that a person can get over these types of scenarios from childhood and grow more independent to develop their own healthy eating habits, it can also be that somebody might feel mentally blocked by this type of treatment.

Later on, the same person might expect to hear remarks and critiques from, say, a girlfriend or wife about what they are eating. Or they might look for praise or expect positive reinforcement every time they overeat or indulge to excess on foods that are not healthy.

If Your Parents Nagged You About Food, This Could be Why You Have Trouble Losing Weight

Did your parents seem overbearing about food and eating? Did they ever make you feel like more was better when it comes to food and portions?

Take pizza for example… a very common, fun-food type of dinner. You've probably heard parents make remarks about how many slices of pizza in their child ate. It’s inferred here that the kid who ate the most pizza is somehow doing himself a favor by consuming all those extra calories and fat. The one who eats the most slices of pizza “wins!”

 Do you want to break the cycle of damaging food behaviors like this? You can do this for your own family while making healthy weight loss a priority for yourself.

Make the smarter decision to keep observant comments about how your children eat to a minimum. One thing you can do if you're concerned about your child's eating habits because they're either overeating or choosing the wrong foods, is to occasionally point out the nutritional value of what they may be having, as a kind of incentive.

 Be careful though, that this doesn't turn into nagging and pestering. Again, kids can develop a sort of neurosis about food and with parents constantly interfering and judging, critiquing or changing from praise to admonishment while they're eating, could definitely create some issues down the road.

What about your own weight loss goals as an adult? Do the words of your parents and grandparents ring in your ears every time you’re faced with a choice of what or how much to eat? Does something from your past whisper to eat half a pizza, when all you really want is one slice with a salad?

 What types of comments if any should be made around the dinner table?

 First, it's always smart to provide a variety of healthy and nutritious foods. A balanced meal is one that consists of 50% vegetables or other types of produce, 25% meat and 25% of starchy side such as a potato or corn or rice.

 For the most part, it's probably not a good idea to always be talking about food during family meals. But again, the occasional well-placed comment about nutritional value of a certain food does have merit.

Examples of this could be: pointing out that carrots are good for our eyes, or that yogurt keeps our stomach healthy. Every once in a while, sprinkling in a helpful nutritional tidbit of this kind will slowly shape your children's awareness of the benefits of different foods.

Remember though that not every meal time must be a lesson in good nutrition. Give your children the relief of not always filling their heads with information. Sometimes it's just good to share a joke, tell a story and keep things light around the dinner table without everything being a lecture or lesson.

 You can certainly emphasize that healthy eating will help kids grow and thrive.

 If a statement is true, then why not state it on occasion? It is true that our bodies use food as fuel and that certain foods have specific health benefits as we discussed. So every once in a while it might be a good thing to point out that meat will help your children grow muscles and iron-rich foods like spinach will keep them strong and full of energy.

 If you do this, try to avoid making comparisons or guilting. What if you have a kid who's the shortest or smallest in the class? Does it really matter? Just remember that overkill on food and eating commentary creates problems later in life. Take a deep breath and decide not to overemphasize judgment or criticism around food and eating with your family.